Wednesday, June 22, 2011

"You got a message" & a tiny dedication for Father's day.

No, that's NOT my message tone. After giving a minor headache to my own head, I chose Super Junior's "Shining Star", but that's.....not what I wanna talk about.

So if you've follow my posts previously, you'll know that I have this one male best friend that was, no, still, a dear in my heart, and he's deceased.

And since he was gone, I never really had the chance to talk/converse/communicate properly with his family members. Well, his elder sister was my senior at school, and we're friends. And I had met his mom & younger sister once, but that's pretty much it. I met his sister once, at our old school after he died, and we talked like we used to, but I don't know what's wrong with me, but whenever I saw my senior, let's call her Ruby, at FB, I became stiff; I seriously don't know how should I act. Though in my mind I know that I should say hi to her, but my mind went blank, and I'll flee. I'll go offline or I'll stay silent till she went offline. I don't know what's wrong with me, nor I could explain my actions.

His mom, let's call her Umi (means mother/mom), texted me just now. She said that she's been wanting to meet me ever since I posted something on FB on her son's 1st death anniversary. Umi's urge to visit me is added when she heard about my Babah's (dad) death. But when I found out about her hope of wanting to visit me, again, I went blank, I freaked out in a way, I just don't know what to do.

It's not because of my friend, I mean, I could still talk casually about him, but it's the talking itself is the major problem.

Her texts, seriously, touched my heart. She told me that every time she passed by the area where my house is situated, the youngest daughter, my late friend's sister would say that she remembered coming to my house with her brother with his bicycle. He had visited me, once, that was the 1st and the last, and he came with his sister, just to check on my condition, as at that time, I had a few issues at home. Then Umi also said that she wanted to see how am I coping with the situation, as we both, lost the most important person in our lives.

I'm busy with things now, and I don't want Umi to come to my I-don't-know-if-I-could-still-call-this-building-I-live-in-as-home house, so I offered to come to her house, soon, not in a few days time, but later in the future. She said that having her son's friends to come by could fill up the empty space that her son left.

With this, I learn a few things. When we never lost someone, we have to tried heard to be empathetic, as we don't have the 1st hand feeling of losing. We could still show the emotions of understanding, but we could never know the REAL feeling of losing.

But when we lost something, and when we wanted to console those who are in the same boat with us, we could do it with more ease, as we had felt the same thing; the same pain of losing, though the story might be different. We don't have to try hard to show that we understand, we don't have to think hard about what's the right thing to say, because we just have to say the things that could bring peace to our own heart, and deliver it to the other person.

What you don't know won't harm you.
Because only when you were harmed, then you know how painful that thing is.

This reminds me of another thing, about Father's Day. No, I won't be posting anything about my Babah anytime soon. I know my heart, I need more time to solidified my inner tears. But I just found out, that a friend of mine didn't get to feel her father's love since she was 9, and her father is still alive up till today. So when we talked, I know that for whatever reason it was, I don't have to ask much to know more about her pain, because I felt that kind of pain as well when my father was still alive. But one thing that she said that was registered in my mind;

"At least you get to feel your father's love long enough~"
(not really the exact thing that she said, :P)

Yes, I did, and that made me feel thankful that day.

Then I posted something on my FB, and my friend posted something in respondent to my status post.

 "She made me realized that i was lucky that i still got my dad. Well,Happy Father's Day to our dad."

And that was said by someone that had faced some issues with her father since I know her. Well babe, glad that I helped, even for just a tiny bit.

What I posted, you asked?

I thought that this year, it would be my first time re-wishing my Babah for Father's Day after 6-7 years of ignoring, but just like the previous years, I still couldn't do so.

Well, the bright side is, at least this time around, Babah knows that I wanted to do so. :) ♥

Enough said.

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